I Thought It Was Just A Song

Pfizer denies fumes from Viagra factory are arousing town’s males

Updated 12:40 pm, Tuesday, December 5, 2017

Villagers of Ringaskiddy, County Cork, Ireland, say air pollution from a factory that produces the erectile dysfunction drug Viagra are affecting the menfolk.

“One whiff and you’re stiff,” local bartender Debbie O’Grady told the Sunday Times.

If it’s not the fumes emanating from Pfizer’s plant, then it’s the water that is getting the men’s Irish up, some believe.

“I think that Viagra must have got into the water supply,” Fiona Toomey, 37, told the paper. Toomey used to work at the Pfizer factory.

“I’m convinced that’s what happened at the very beginning before they were so closely regulated,” she said.

It’s not only human males who are aroused. Toomey says that dogs “walk around in a state of sexual excitement.”

Life imitates art.

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Ho Hum

This could revolutionize Washington.

Can Humming Ease Sinus Problems? – NYTimes.com.

For those who haven’t had the pleasure of living here, D.C. is not only the nation’s capital but in the running for its allergy capital. Pollen, photochemical grunge, and mold-coddling damp combine to create a city of snufflers and snorters. Nary a month goes by that I don’t teach my infamous douche-bag Neti technique (also known as “up your nose with a rubber hose”) to someone.

Now we find that humming generates a fifteen-fold increase in the flow of  nitric oxide through your sinuses, which apparently helps them clear. Gym rats like me worship NO already because it is involved in relaxing and opening the blood vessels that supply striated muscle. Pfizer pharmaceuticals is probably also fond of the stuff because the same relaxation of blood vessels facilitates erections, which is how Viagra gets the job done (cue the sound of stock splitting six ways to Sunday).

If this humming thing works, I look forward to the city’s subway cars and Federal agencies, yea even the floor of Congress, vibrating with a gentle susurrus as congested denizens of the capital area work earnestly at clearing their passages. As for the possibility of exhaling nitric oxide close to other organs with a recorded response to the chemical, I can only imagine what it will do to the city’s thriving escort business. Come to think of it, some of those incoming freshmen may never make it to the floor of the House at all.

Nobody Gets To Have A Bigger One Than He Is

I mentioned our local Congressman a few posts back, the one with the amusing track record of random manhandling and a general reputation such that endorsements in local papers have more than once taken the form of “hold your nose and vote for…” It seems Jimbo has returned to a crusade that occupied him during the period when I was more embroiled in local politics, to wit, the extirpation of (horrors!) Viagra ads and the like on prime-time airwaves. He calls them “an intrusion into the quality of life that we like to experience.”

I don’t find this sort of thing impinging much on the quality of my life, though I sometimes giggle uncontrollably when I see the ads running on ESPN at my gym: all those guys smirking into the camera as it pulls back for a long shot, beatific over the new vigor of their whizzerroos. I giggled just as hard when a Tampax ad announced that their product was making periods better… “one box at a time.”

Our Congressman, however, overcome with pudeur, is on a mission to protect people from having their “three or four-year old grandkid asking… what erectile dysfunction is all about.” He needs to meet Lawrence, the guy who gave me my first muscle magazine. As family legend had it, his small son wandered in during a general beery hanging-out of rels and nabes, and asked the how-do-people-get-babies question.

Lawrence: You got a crank. Right?

Son: Yeah!

Lawrence: Well, your mom hasn’t got a crank.

Son: She doesn’t?

Lawrence: No, she has a place that a crank fits into. This is something that grown-ups do and it feels really good. Sometimes, when you do that, you get a baby, and that’s how we got you.

Son: Cool! (Retrieves favorite toy and wanders out of room.)

Commenters on the CNN coverage go grand mal about those kind of ads and those disgusting feminine hygiene ads and are very concerned with how children may be influenced by these commercials.

I would go with a ban on direct-to-consumer drug ads, because it seems clear that drug manufacturers are dead set on persuading everyone over 50 (and most people younger) that they need to be on some kind of drug maintenance no matter how flimsy the justification. But if people weren’t so appalled at the idea that their kiddygartners might find out how the human body works, maybe we wouldn’t have so damn many bad relationships and teenage pregnancies and furtively fucking megachurch pastors and goddlemighty knows what else. The Japanese don’t seem to get too twisted about it.

penis-festival

Photo-op during Japan’s Annual Penis Festival: Click to visit original source

I bet if we distributed some free Viagra on the floor of Congress, heavily populated with men in their middle to late years who tend to have ego issues and a strong need to prove something, the place would empty out before you could say Tagata Jinja Hounen Matsuri.

Maybe we should try that. Right after they pass a decent health care package — one that saws the drug hustlers off at the knees, preferably. Not before.