Nymph, In Thine Orisons Be All My Sins Remembered

I really fucking hate it when someone tries to bring me to Jesus just as I am gearing up for a set on the parallel footplate stack sled machine.

See, I had just one skinny hour in the middle of the afternoon today, on account a good regular client called and asked desperation if I had time for him in his hour of pain, so I whirled into the gym, knocked out my twenty minutes on the resistance bike, stretched, and hit the weight stations. Days like this you do not mess with things that need plates loaded. I was knocking out my second round, not as good as an angle press (see header) or a Smith squat say, but it will get you through, and this amiable white-polled geezer, not bad looking for seventy plus, tall, slightly stooped, mooched up on the other side of the footplate to ask about my stretch movements. Was it for the body problem I had? (Sadly, some days my old leg injury still means I carry a walking pole into the gym, inevitably when a low pressure system is bearing down; people must be fairly mindfucked to see me using a light cane and then jamming up a sled with ten wheels on it, but that’s their problem.) Yeah, I said, explaining about dance stretches and the proprietary workout I had lifted them from, while he nattered about his wife going to Curves (blergh) and then suddenly asked “Is the Bible ever a part of your thinking?”

No, I said, I am a Pagan on even numbered days and an agnostic on odd ones.

He forged ahead regardless. It didn’t matter, had I ever…

Not interested, I said. Really not up for talking about it right now.

Well had I heard about the woman with an issue of blood…

Ferfrigsake you Morlock, do I look like someone who doesn’t have a degree in Languages and Literature and hasn’t made a study of comparative religions? Oh right, I’m on this weight machine in a string tank.

And a certain woman, which had an issue of blood twelve years, 26And had suffered many things of many physicians, and had spent all that she had, and was nothing bettered, but rather grew worse, 27When she had heard of Jesus, came in the press behind, and touched his garment. 28For she said, If I may touch but his clothes, I shall be whole. 29And straightway the fountain of her blood was dried up; and she felt in her body that she was healed of that plague. 30And Jesus, immediately knowing in himself that virtue had gone out of him, turned him about in the press, and said, Who touched my clothes?

You septuagenarian opportunist, you saw me limping on a wet day and now you want to persuade me that Jeebus will heal me. Right? I HAVE TWENTY MINUTES TO WORK OUT AND THIS IS NOT THE TIME.

He reluctantly buggered off before I could tell him to bugger off. Or point out that he was in my house of worship, goddammit, and he was interrupting me at my prayers.

I gotta say, my workout volume was pretty massive, given the brief time I had.

He comes at me again, I won’t be so nice. For Christ’s sake. In a manner of speaking.

 

 

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30 thoughts on “Nymph, In Thine Orisons Be All My Sins Remembered

  1. Lol. Once a dental hygienist tried to Jesus me while cleaning my teeth. She said migraines were from the devil and I might try… you know. I told the dentist and he said he’d tell her not to do that, but I went somewhere else after that anyway.

    • Man, there’s a special Hell for people who do that while you’re in the dental chair. I had an orthodontist who kept witnessing and forcing Pat Boone books on me. Blargh.

      • My dentist is a fishing enthusiast and will witness to that particular faith during the entire exam. It’s largely harmless (well, except for the fish), and at least you see some lovely water on a nice day.

  2. Not as bad as the gynaecologist who told me I just had to “take things easy” during my pregnancy and to “not even consider an abortion”. Huh? On the way out I spotted a photo of the pope on his wall. Had I not followed my instincts and asked for a second opinion I would probably be dead now.

    • Those people are the absolute enemy. Like we have some incident in the States I swear every day where a woman needs emergency contraception, or the so called “abortion pill” to deal with a miscarriage already in progress, and some asshole pharmacist cites religion and won’t give it to her. Our lives mean nothing to them in their fantasy Redneck Jesus worlds.

  3. Absolute enemies?? After you have frequented a papist blogger like me for 7 years?? 😱
    😉 😉

    Now seriously, let us leave for a while the American (or US Irish or Irish Irish) perspective of the Church of Rome. Under my window (I live close to the Colosseum) there is a lovely garden with a Villa at the centre which belonged to the Counts of Pontaldo. A few years ago this beautiful Villa was bought by The American University of Notre Dame du Lac (Indiana, I guess). Courses started from the Summer of 2017.

    Not that I don’t see the huge difference between these 17years old boys and girls (note 1, below) and ours here in the Eternal city (how they love to call it …).

    While people from here, from Rome, Italy, I mean, are mostly not religious (I told you that ad nauseam during those 7 years: I am saying this to your readers, who will hate me perhaps: but I am a 70 years old gladiator 😉, resilient a bit too, but not like Manius’ witch, his eternal love, I have decided, tho I am writing in my language that story ).

    Basically, if you say in intellectual circles here and elsewhere in Italy that you are a believer (Catholic, Christian, protestant: Oriental religions are tho OK) you are looked down upon, you are considered not “cool”. Apart from some parts in North Italy, my Northern father being of Calvinist origin from Turin, btw, as you know, and my mother Catholic (and true believer from a small village in Tuscany, not by chance).

    • Let me clarify in that by “absolute enemy” I mean the people of any religious stripe who insist that others live by their religious perspective, while confusing personal or cultural views with what the religion they claim actually says.

      For instance there is nothing much in the Christian Bible about abortion, except for some legal stipulations about the penalties for causing a miscarriage before and after “quickening,” which suggest *not* conferring “personhood” on a not-viable fetus. And while I don’t know why the Catholic Church decided to prohibit abortion in the mid 1800s, I am pretty certain that the Protestant response in many parts of America was pure bigotry: the churches reflected the fear that the Eeevil Papists would “out-breed” Protestants in the US.

      In short, people mixing up their prejudices in a weird stew with religious scriptures and distrust of women in general, causing untold real world pain. When they insist that their bias is more important than the suffering that results… I can only see them as the enemy.

      • Actually, prior to 1980 the Southern Baptist Convention advocated for loosening abortion restrictions, in part because the Catholics were so strongly anti-abortion, and there was (and still is) a strong anti-Catholic sentiment in the South. However, it became a moral issue to them, as well as a wedge issue to be exploited in the culture wars. The Catholics at least claim that all human life is sacred, and on this basis also oppose the death penalty and euthanasia.

        It should be noted that making abortion illegal does not end the practice, rather it drives it underground for the poor, while those who can afford it go to where it is legal.

        • I cannot but agree with you. I have posted new comments below to Sled’s words, with other agruments, notes (too many 😦 ) and comparisons US-Italy-Europe.

          Nice to meet you,
          Giovanni

  4. As for the Vatican, which lies here and which is the centre of Catholicism, as odd as it may seem, it is only seen in Rome especially and in my country as:

    1) a world-wide political power (which perplexes the guts of most good-natured and lazy Romans, with 3000 years of history, that makes them tired: what a BAD idea to make Rome the capital of a member-of-G-7-modern Nation!! ☹ )

    2) it is also seen here, the Pope and the Vatican, as something to respect (like Queen Elisabeth, liked in some way also by the British Republicans) since nonetheless it is our Bishop, it is the Pontifex Maximus (who in ancient Pagan Rome prayed the gods for bridges and made them – ponte / ponti, pontifex: I make bridges across the Tiber in Latin). It is the person who, after the Roman Empire crumbled, protected us from the barbarians (476 AD onwards), ie Goths, Vandals and so forth up up to the Renaissance, when the popes tried to abolish Christianity (Leo X, Medici’s, Neoplatonists etc.) and opened up to new forms of Paganisms but had to get back because of this German monk, Luther.

    Blah bla blah blah …

    All things considered, dear Sled (and Manius’ eternal love, no way back, now), we are (I am) basically, like you:

    “Pagan on even numbered days and an agnostic on odd ones”

    Amen 😉
    Giovanni

    Note 1. I like these young people from the Notre Dame btw, because they are fresh (and I am old, in an aging population in this country), are well mannered, they give new lymph to the tired people (economic crisis & unemployment helping) in this neighbourhood, a working-class area made famous by The Gladiator (alas!), and now about to be gentrified.

  5. I agree: “people of any religious stripe – as you say – who insist that others live by their religious perspective” are called here (and everywhere, I guess) fanatics.

    Abortion frankly goes over my head, but let me see.

    Churches all over the world debate about “when” life (hence a son & daughter or hybryd of God) begins to exist. I would personally abort instead of conceiving an unhappy child. My daughter had all DNA & and other exams checks carried out before deciding whether to have or not to have her child (her beautiful daughter is now 3 months old: Sofia, living in Amsterdam).

    A Roman girlfriend (just friend) of mine my age (father: a Roman Jew, most ancient Jews existing; mother: from the UK) had this son late in years (☹ ) 25 years ago.

    He came to light with no arms (just hands attached to the shoulders). She was brave after she had him, she raised him with big love. I admire that.

    Last year that young man killed himself jumping off the terrace of their apartment. He was bullied all the time? Hard to say. She is now destroyed. I guess she wished she had aborted. My sister in law is very close friend to her.

    The young man’s father was a weak figure, so wimpish & deprived of any backbone, who abandoned his wife and son unable to bear the situation of the no-arms offspring. What a coward. At the funeral he was quaking like a Quaker, tho for different reasons. He is super destroyed, one can easily imagine.

    But, again, I invite you and your readers to leave a bit the American South and the American tout court perspective and stop complaining about the goddam Papists from Maryland first and from wherever they darn came from.

    • Oh, the fanatics come from everywhere. And I can only agree, when the Pope proscribed abortion in 1848 I think it was, it was the American bible thumpers who set out to out Pope the Pope and demand that women become baby factories less the damned Papists outnumber them. It’s all such territorial bullshit, and women are not even counted as human beings in these contentions.

  6. Well, well, dear Sled and Love of Manius’ life, I can understand the later Irish and Italian immigrant invasion that menaced the Protestant establishment of the pioneers, a strong bunch of defeated-at-home-but-not-morally-humiliated (and a bit fanatic imo) protestants who started to build your Great Nation with vigour (with a little help from the founding fathers tho who were not fanatics since came from the European Enlightenment)

    In short (am I short?), and on a wider perspective, NOT ONLY Catholics are anti-abortion bigots.

    Eastern Orthodox Church are against, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints too, Protestantism all over the world is divided between anti-abortion and pro-abortion. From now on I steal from the Wikipedia entry “Abortion and Christianity:

    “Conservative Protestants tend to be anti-abortion whereas “mainline” Protestants lean towards an abortion-rights stance. African-American Protestants are much more strongly anti-abortion than white Protestants […]

    The US National Association of Evangelicals includes the Salvation Army, the Assemblies of God, and the Church of God, among others, and takes an anti-abortion stance. […]

    The General Board of the American Baptist Churches in the U.S.A. opposes abortion “as a means of avoiding responsibility for conception, as a primary means of birth control, and without regard for the far-reaching consequences of the act.” There is no agreement on when personhood begins blah blah […]

    Positions taken by Anglicans across the world are divergent etc. The Church of England generally opposes abortion [but] … also recognizes that in some instances abortion is “morally preferable to any available alternative.[…]

    The newly created Anglican Church in North America […] is pro-life […] The Lutheran Church–Missouri Synod views abortion as contrary to God’s Word. […] The Methodist Church of Great Britain takes a moderate anti-abortion position […]

    The Church of Scotland is anti-abortion […]

    And the US Catholics? A 2008 survey found that 65% of American Catholics identified themselves as “pro-choice”, but also found that 76% of these “pro-choice” Catholics believed that abortion should be significantly restricted.

    OK. I just wanted to show that the bigots are not only Catholic.

    Las rant arriving … 😲

  7. In Italy? Here, as I said, we have the political power, not much the religion (tho there is some Christ, of course) since the days Mussolini signed the Lateran Pact of 1929, where Church and State overlapped a bit (sigh, tho I console myself, the UK being worse: they have even Bishops in the house of Lords!).

    Earlier, in fact, Mussolini and especially the newly created Italian State since the 1860s, was unified “against” the Vatican because the latter tried to stop Italy’s unification and Rome, of course, as a Capital (the big, anti-modernity mistake, imho).

    How could the Italian small regions (20, perhaps, but one in particular) defeat the world-wide Church? And France too? Since Catholic France, headed by Napoleon III, was pro Church and had a much bigger army than Piedmonts’ Turin’s, only one Italian region, as I mentioned.

    But Piedmont’s Count of Cavour (my family was from Cavour) had a big brain and used it. He, among other diplomatic tricks, had a sort of Mata Hari – Virginia Oldoini, Countess of Castiglione.

    He said to her: “Go and seduce Napoleon III”.

    She did it very quickly, French men liking Italian women like mad (and Italian men reciprocating towards French women, especially the red-heads): aren’t we called cousins, after all? LOL

    OK, got lost, the Vatican.

    My boomer generation (similar to the anti-Vietnam boomer generation in the US) had 2 significant victories (in the 1970s) against the political influence of the Vatican: divorce and abortion laws, earlier considered a crime.

    But the Vatican’s political power is still there. Especially since the Italian Left has lost ground (like the Clinton’s and Obama’s – tho not the Sanders’: Jeremy Corbyn in the UK is a depressing mystery to me). The Lefts has been away from the real problems of the common (and rural) people: the Clinton’s were the model for that, imho, and Trump profited from that.

    As a consequence, the percentage of abortions, during the 80’s onward in my country (here & the golden years of Reagan and Trump in NYC: the Trump tower was built in the 80’s? dunno), the percentage of abortions, I was saying has begun to strongly wane now (1982 —> now: – 74,7% ☹).

    Moreover, some doctors professors, here, find jobs in many Catholic hospitals, private clinics and Catholic universities, hence they cannot but refuse to carry out an abortion, or they will lose their job. Of course, non-Catholic doctors, institutions etc. are the majority, but people there now lean to the right.

    This is globalization. US similar to Italy and the rest.

    Basta. E’ ora, nunc est hora or time to hit the sack 😪

    Good night dear Sledpress (and CAVE MANIUM, he’s stronger than you think)
    🤥 🙄 😂

    Catholic University of Notre Dame in front of my house, in a working class district (The Pontaldo were nobility of no importance):

    https://www.openhouseroma.org/sito/university-notre-dame-rome-global-gateway

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