Ever since Torvald was diagnosed with congestive heart failure at the end of April I was convinced that the vets were low-balling his medication. Lasix is the critical one, the well known pill that makes my male clients of a certain age visit the bathroom before and after sessions (and never put the seat down; see bijoona). Finally, after days of swerves into a high breaths-per-minute zone (the quick and dirty way to know if his lungs are clear of fluid) and one scary and probably unnecessary trip to the ER for a speedball injection, I looked up the pharmaceutical protocols and found that, sure enough, 13.5 pound Torvald was getting slightly less than the milligram per pound per day of medication that is the low end of the feline dose. The pills come in a 12.5 milligram size and I guess the cardiologist figured it was easier to be approximate and say “half a pill twice a day” than actually go over the math. After a couple of days of three-quarters of a pill at medication time, he was feeling pretty frisky.

Always glad to help the experts out with their jobs; I should be used to it after my years of depressing, doctrinaire cluelessness from human doctors, which has again and again driven me to take matters into my own hands, whether it is using nutritional supplements to fix something they can’t or won’t, or just running like hell from their attempts to mutilate and poison me.

The difference between human doctors and vets is that the vets listen to you. Dr. Cohn, who had told me a midday dose would be okay if Torvald was having a bad day, sized up the situation and said “Just go back to the original half pill but give it to him three times a day. That should do it.” Torvald approves; he is more like himself than he’s been in weeks, that is to say he ambushes Aggie from cover and was seen last night taunting the Engineer’s pudgy little Lily with his forepaws under the cellar door. He’s back to being a dick, thank Bubastis.

If he bites me again — and he has been amazingly good about taking his pill without threat of violence — I think I’ll just bypass the people clinic and ask to be seen by a vet.


5 thoughts on “Himself

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