Why Don’t Women Have An Army?

Wonder WomanThis is a despairing, helpless, political-style post, and probably something that someone else has said better, so if you are not inclined toward that type of thing and come here for my profane-cynical-gymrat-scholar-with-cats stuff you can skip past it.

Just only, why the fuck do not women have an army? An international National Guard of decently equipped and trained ground troops, fighter pilots, special forces and snipers? We are certainly capable of it. Women serve in the armed forces of beaucoup nations (including nations where they say “beaucoup”), they fly missions, they work in combat zones. I, sixty years old with shit vision, still do a full-time physical job and regard a lingeringly trick hip as a reason to do more handstand push-ups.

So why not? Is someone out there a better political organizer than I am? Someone who can stand talking to more than five people a day? (That does not seem to be most women’s problem, from where I sit, but it is mine.) We need it. Good Goddess, we need it.

I’m not talking about military reprisals against the countries where a man can control his wife’s choice of occupation, or which have no laws punishing marital rape or wife-beating (OK, fantasies are allowed). But in the name of Hippolyta, this, and this. If ISIL or Boko Haram is in the neighborhood you might get shot or beheaded, but if you are a woman you will be enslaved and beaten and raped, lather rinse repeat, in the name of God, the merciful, the compassionate. Yeah right.

Where are the women’s armies taking on these smug, sick bastards selling teenage students in bride markets, beating women and selling them again when they heal, dumping their dead bodies out of windows? I mean, Netanyahu is imploring the Jews of Europe to “come home” to safety in Israel already after a short spate of terror shootings that about equal a bad night in Chicago. (The Jews really figured this out; is there anyone in the world who doesn’t respect the IDF as a fighting force, whatever you think of Israeli politics?)  Egypt didn’t even stop for a pee before swooping down on Libya after this week’s auto-da-fe. NATO nations have a deal: we signed an instrument, someone invades you, I come help. If only the developed world had a Women’s International Guard that would come to the defense of women facing wholesale capture and abuse by insurgents, while the politicians figure out what to do about the everyday wife beaters and rape artists that I guess we are going to have to pick off piecemeal in the courts.

I dream of it, women like the women I work out with, women like the ones on ESPN or UFC, women like the leathery old babes that come to me for massage before entering a triathlon as a seventieth-birthday celebration, quick, fierce, hair cut short or tied in tight braids, lethally accurate with modern weapons, competent in the cockpit, ruthless. They exist. There will be more of them. I want to see them in a strike force,  platoons of merciless Boudiccas, a monstrous regiment of women with skin in the game that male troops can never have, swooping in with sniper fire and tactical airstrikes and oh crap, I don’t know, Wonder Woman’s lasso if someone can find the thing.

I know. Wonder Woman’s lasso was made up. But all the rest seems theoretically possible.

Any retired women generals getting fed up with home life out there? Let’s talk.


13 thoughts on “Why Don’t Women Have An Army?

  1. I’m not an organiser. Sorry. I am looking into starting up with Krav Maga at the end of the month – one of my coworkers is teaching a class.

    I’m more of a sniper kinda warrior, really. I’d love that shit.

    • Oooh, Krav. I used to hear a lot from a blogger who went by the name “Renal Failure” (I don’t dare ask) and he studied Krav. Called his teacher a “killing machine.”

      • It’s not really what I want to do. But I’m bored as hell, and in the best physical shape I’ve probably ever been. Still have the dodgy back, of course. Weak points are my wrists, ankles and lower back. Strong points are my legs, attitude, and height. Nice to know the dude teaching, too – he won’t mind that I don’t get off work until the class starts so will always always be late.

        • Well why the fecking feck haven’t you been saying hello if you check in often enough to see Spiders’ comment?

          That video was the most exhilarating thing that has happened to me all week. I love the way he moves his center of gravity .

          • I don’t check in much anywhere, just had some time to go through a few blogs I hadn’t seen in a while to see how they’re doing (also I looked up one of your tennis ball self-massage videos)

          • You ought to get yourself a copy of the “Trigger Point Therapy Workbook” by Clair Davies. All the tennis ball porn anyone could every want! Though they’re sensitive line drawings, like in The Joy of Sex.

  2. I used to think I was 99 percent pacifist. I also thought that possibly women stayed home and rocked the proverbial cradle — rather than going to war — because they knew things that men hadn’t yet figured out. I thought women might be more wise, or more evolved.

    I still think that if women ruled the world, or at least had a 50-50 say in ruling the world, we’d have far less war. I still think that in the grand scheme of things, it would NOT be evolutionary progress for women to become as warlike as men. It would be regression.

    Alas, in old age, I’ve recognized that war appears to be the natural human condition. Nonviolence is a noble ideal; I’m in favor of it. But war is not going away soon, especially not war between rival religions or religious factions.

    A women’s army sounds logical to me. But I wonder if traditional human armies are even relevant in the age of drones, robots, computer hacking, and biological weapons.

    • I suspect that women are not as violent as men only because they have historically been limited by the disparity in brute strength and the vulnerability created by pregnancy, and thus been obligated to negotiate, submit or wheedle rather than stand up with force.

      Personally, I find that the only thing my body and soul understand in some circumstances is violence. If I didn’t have big iron things to throw around and heave and slam, I probably would have been had up for assault six times by now. I can still, at sixty, be rendered almost speechless with rage just by common human self-centredness and stupidity and reach a condition where I feel as if I am going to explode if I don’t pound someone’s head into bloody splinters against a cinderblock wall — and I AM a pacifist, politically speaking. The proverbial cradle, for me, is a ball and chain used to box women into subservience, something to be chucked out a third floor window complete with its contents. I doubt I am that seriously alone.

      Human armies still clearly have their role, or the ISIL forces would not have rolled up Mosul, nor would the US and assorted allies be ginning up a force to retake the place. Technology has made women men’s equal as sharpshooters, pilots and the kind of Special Forces that depend on agility and strategy versus raw strength. I think we could do some serious damage.

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