Spatter Pattern, or, My Cat Is A Dick

Exhibit A

You don’t want to see my face.

I think it was a raccoon outside. Torvald was looking intently at something out the screened porch, and when I stepped up beside him and bent down to see what it was, he went ballistic, launched himself at my head, bit me on the angle of the jaw and mauled me with all four paws. These were not scratches, these were slashes. I’m still finding and cleaning up the droplets that fell from the curtain of blood I saw when I ran to the bathroom sink to pour peroxide over my head.

Five hours in the emergency room for an antibiotic prescription, a tetanus shot and some bandages. He would pick a Friday at midnight when people were coming in with acute alcohol poisoning.

The Cute Engineer gets a solid-gold star for driving me. I probably would have run off the road.

I’m working on clients, but then, they can lie back and shut their eyes. Eeek.


And he doesn't even know he's a dick.

And he doesn’t even know he’s a dick.


13 thoughts on “Spatter Pattern, or, My Cat Is A Dick

  1. Oh, my God. I suppose the only up side to this (and it isn’t much of one) is that you sort of have a free built-in Halloween costume. Cats are the worst people ever, but they don’t care.

    • I thought of the Halloween angle, but I don’t even like Halloween. I do hand out candy to keep from getting vandalized though, so maybe this’ll scare them.

      Remind me why we love cats so much. Because, of course, we do.

    • You’re here too? Is there any blog you aren’t following? You’re even in the screenshot for the WordPress app on Google Play. I noticed Mr. Bowie immediately as I browsed the screenshots quickly before deciding to get the app!

      • Hey there, Tom! Ha ha ha… I’m trying real hard to check out all the blogs of friends, followers and visitors of HoB. It’s almost a daytime job… 😉
        Thanks for mentioning the Google Play screenshots. I wasn’t familiar with the WordPress app. I did found Mr. Bowie, even in the Dutch translation!

    • We’re wondering if it was maybe a coyote. They come through the bike trail near here now and then. The next day he still wouldn’t go out on the porch. He got over it though.

  2. Yikes! Years ago I was looking after a friend’s cat – a small Siamese girl called Echo – who stayed at my place for a week. She got along fine with Azar and Sunny but kept picking fights with Lua. One day I foolishly got between the two girls during a spat and Echo attached herself tooth and claw to my ankle. When I finally detached there was blood everywhere and I had to rinse off in the bathtub until it stopped. Of course five minutes later Echo was back on my bed looking as calm and happy as could be, while I limped over to emergency. I still have black marks on my ankle over 15 years later.

    Poor you! xx

  3. Was he so intent that you surprised him? Because that’s the only reason I could excuse for that behaviour. We’ve all had these incidents with our cats, and the scars to prove it. I have several! Hope you are okay.

    • Exactly. He acted absolutely terrified and he wouldn’t even go out on the porch in the daytime the next day. It could not have been a mere neighbor cat, and they know from raccoons. Something had riveted his attention and in a scary way.

      He had a case of the ass all weekend, too, and kept hassling little Agatha, who actually hissed at him finally to make him stop it. Today he is a perfect cherub.

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