Definitely, Don’t Force Your Children To Bear Puppies

Anyone who knows me at all well knows that I would rather clean septic tanks than be around children or dogs.

It would take too long to explain how or why I stumbled across this piece of parenting advice online, but it seems especially fraught from my perspective:

“harsh physical punishment is definitely out of the question, including any form of hitting that leaves bruises, whelps, etc.”

I don’t know whether I picture the resulting chimeric clans in family court or with their own page on Cheezburgr.

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8 thoughts on “Definitely, Don’t Force Your Children To Bear Puppies

  1. Link didn’t work!

    But here’s a question. If you could give birth to kittens instead of humans, would you? I know a LOT of people that would have cats and dogs instead of kids, if they could also satisfy the urge to procreate at the same time.

    Would hurt a fuck of a lot less, too. I bet we already have the science to do this.

    • Do you know, my late and ex husband asked me the same question. (I have no idea what he had in mind.) But think how much maintenance kittens take, and how many already need homes… I’ll leave the art of raising kittens to those who know it best.

    • That was a funny question. I don’t know that urge to bear babies, I’m just a guy. But for science… While I suppose we could theoretically implant cat embryos in your uterus, as we would of human babies, I believe you wouldn’t provide the fetus with the right hormones and nutrients. But I don’t plan on researching the subject, let me know if you do.

  2. I really think “fraught” (destined to produce undesired results) is an understatement. That was an advice for parents? Really? Physical punishments have fallen out of fashion. At least in Québec, you are going to do time for causing bruises to a child, like you would for any other human, or even dogs for that matter.

    • I confess I was surprised to find it in a context that seemed more intended for well meaning parents trying to do their best. But then, some such people may come from backgrounds where they themselves were hit, and have trouble realizing it isn’t an accepted thing. (Mind you, I have trouble understanding how anyone exposed to a child — under the age of, oh, about ten — for longer than twenty minutes could restrain themselves from beating it black and blue; but that is why I do not have children and make a point of avoiding any exposure to them what-so-ever. Other people may be able to put up with their relish of their own ignorance, casual cruelty, self-centeredness, utter lack of empathy, and joy in causing irritation; not me.)

      It was the “whelps” (puppies usually, but the word is used of many species of animal young) that grabbed my attention.

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