There is no way anyone can top this.
What happened was, the porch is almost finished (they have to corral an electrician and special order some screen doors) so I got all retail and started shopping online for outdoor things like a nice solar lantern, and this popped up, you should pardon the expression, on a search for “solar” on a very large home-goods website, and I do think I have to go and lie down now with a cold cloth on my head.
“Very high sellout risk.”
Someone even bought it and reviewed it enthusiastically. Very disturbing.