I rather like the New Year’s holiday, even though it is Amateur Night over much of the world (cue vividly remembered sound effect of retching corybants outside local dive bar, heard on EMS dispatch, back when I dated a guy who kept the scanner going 24/7 in the bedroom). That aside, you don’t have to believe anything in particular to celebrate it, and you don’t have to manufacture feelings of gratitude or patriotism or filial piety. You just have to observe that the calendar is changing and that you would like the next 365 days to be happy ones for you and yours and, well, pretty much everybody.
My plans involve stuffed mushrooms, rose brut, deviled eggs, chive Brie, and a weird-ass “molecular gastronomy” kit that the Engineer got for Christmas. It contains enough equipment to convince you that you are Dr. Jekyll (syringes, siphons, and small foil packets of sinister ingredients), and a recipe for making faux caviare out of balsamic vinegar. Nothing will ever beat the New Year’s Eve of 2008 when Mr. Ferguson, fresh in off the street and still downloading Housecat Module 1.2.44, got his first taste of catnip ever and slid repeatedly off the cat tree onto his head,
but this should be amusing.
For those who like to celebrate in the German style — I used to sing with ex-pat Germans, and the Neujahrszeit was magnificent with cross-dressed skits, accordion playing and industrial-level drinking (“Hast gebracht??” “Jooooo.”)* — I offer this.
Dec. 26, 2012 — Drinking to ring in the New Year may leave many suffering with the dreaded hangover. According to a 2009 study in the Journal of Food Science, published by the Institute of Food Technologists (IFT), the amino acids and minerals found in asparagus extract may alleviate alcohol hangover and protect liver cells against toxins.
With a special salute to Spiders, I advise you all to eat your vegetables and wish you the happiest goddam New Year that I can possibly huck up off the squat rack and pass over to you. Brace yourself.
*”You puke?” “Agggghhh yesssss…”