A Sucky Week

I have been in a rotten mood for days. Blame the pollen, or the fershlugginer idiots at my gym (a woman I think of as The Stupid Thing and a guy who will be known as the Potbellied Old Fart On The Adductor Machine are both going to die terrible, terrible deaths if they make just the wrong move. Like getting on the adductor machine. Or speaking to me.)

If it weren’t for things like this I would have already snapped.

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24 thoughts on “A Sucky Week

    • Well, are you truly the sort of guy who would sit on an adductor machine for twenty minutes, doing a set, resting, doing a set, resting, never getting up to let anyone else (people who have schedules to keep, say) have a crack at it, and barely moving when you did use the damn thing? I’ve spoken to him about it once. Next time it’s the head into the mirror, where smeared blood, brains and hair will look magnificently dramatic on the unedited news footage.

    • That, and everything but my face and my belly button hurts (other people just sneeze from this stuff),

      I’m more inclined to “Stride la vampa.” I keep having fantasies of incinerating more goddamned idiots than I care to tell you about. (Just the motherfucking Latino oh-so-politically-correct immigrants from across the street with their godawful, god-pukes-at-it salsa music drifting out into the summerlike air have already been subjected to blistering death in my imagination about fifty times.)

  1. It is not likely but if I drive down Arlington way I will make take a wide deviation around so as not to somehow incur your wrath. I’m too young to die.
    Paul C.

  2. I like cats, but not enough for your picture to improve my mood. But the mere glimpse of the word “fershlugginer” makes the world look sunnier.

    I too have noticed that people space out and loiter on the adductor machine.

    • Some people find they are sitting and space out.

      I find I am on an adductor machine and fantasize those rude videos that can be found about the Net of women crushing cantaloupes between their legs. It’s an individual thing.

  3. Now I find myself wanting to look up rude videos. And picturing certain people’s heads instead. Splattering nicely on the mirrors, of course. Do you take anything for the allergies? Socks learned her antihistamine turned her into the demon-beast from Yog-Soggoth.

    • That would be Yuggoth (Pluto). Yog-Sothoth is the gate and the guardian of the gate.

      When you feel as bad as I do — because my allergies manifest as muscle and tendon pain more so than sneezes or red eyes — you need no drugs to make it worse. Actually Zyrtec helps, but I still get punchy from it, so I have to ration it.

      Search on “thigh crushing melon.”

      • Meh, I’m lucky I got that close to being right! I was thinking of Cthulu but he gets used too often. What I get for trying to be smaaaat 🙂 Will the allergies last much longer? I thought I’d missed those genes, but notice a grittiness to my eyes this month that is unusual so maybe I’m growing into them. Shame that your symptoms mess with the parts of you that you take care of so well.

        • It’s all a feedback loop. I don’t remember a time growing up when I didn’t hurt, which can kind of make you mean, and the pain nudged me to take up physical culture while the meanness made me want to be badass (in other words, screw ballet). Around May, the trees tend to cut the crap.

          • Wagner, Burroughs and now Lovecraft next thing you’re going to tell me is that you are a Robert E Howard afficionado.

            What’s your favorite Lovecraft tale? I’ve always been partial to The Shadow Over Innsmouth.

          • Howard never grabbed me. Perhaps it was the fact that the first guy I ever sorta-kinda dated was obsessed with Howard, and he was a skinny little weasel who turned out to be a pluperfect dipshit. Or maybe that once I found out Howard killed himself after his mother died, which is so mind-bendingly wrong I can’t begin to list the ways, I couldn’t pick up anything he’d written; even the notoriously neurotic Lovecraft wasn’t that pathetic. I did unbend enough to see Arnold do Conan though.

            I think I vote for Shadow Out Of Time, with runners-up to Whisperer in Darkness and Mountains of Madness. Have you ever seen the H. P. Lovecraft Historical Society films?

          • I think most Howard fans are skinny little weasels who wish they could be a badass like Conan. I liked his dialogue and the way be portrayed characters but his sorcery was a little sophomoric. Haven’t seen those movies–thanks for pointing them out.

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