My apologies to anyone who turned up here looking for information about the drug. I have a twisted sense of humor.

What it is, is my computer desk has been invaded by microscopic blonde sugar ants, as I used to hear them called, though I am sorry to say that they have no interest at all in the ant bait of honey and boric acid that I put down for them, a ruse that usually works brilliantly. Ants swarm all over it for a couple of days, take the mickeyed honey back to the hill, feed it to the queen and Bob’s your uncle.

Not these pinprick-sized little bastards. They are interested in only one thing, the fragments of peanut that occasionally fall from the protein bars that I eat first thing most days in a matutinal coma as I wait for my e-mail to come in. The result is a bizarre heap of white powder that would set off an anthrax scare in the average office.

And me. They think I’m delicious.

The only time they venture to the desktop is when I am using my kludged wristrest, which consists of two wallpaper sponges. Minute examination convinces me they are not nesting in the thing. They just like my arm. It is getting a little vexing having to tell clients that I do not have some fungoid crud but am being devoured by ants. For one thing, this always leads to a gruesome description, by the average client, of how they are regularly bitten to pieces by mosquitoes, blackflies, etc., turning my days into a rolling entomology seminar that is growing a bit depressing.

I swabbed down the area around the desk and the window, where I think they are getting in, with orange oil, which bugs hate. Most bugs. These little finks probably get high on it.


10 thoughts on “Antabuse

  1. Down here we have something called Raid Liquid Ant Killer. I don’t know what’s in it but you pour a little in bottle cap and the ants go absolutely berserk over it. For half a day the cap will be black with ants all over it. Supposedly they take it back to their nest and kill everyone. It seems to work.

    Are you sure they aren’t fire ants? Those are some nasty welts.

    • I think fire ants are just a little bigger. These are almost invisible.

      The Raid solution sounds a lot like what I use — I’ll bet it’s boric acid based. I adapted my home brew from the formula used by an exterminator who called once to deal with a carpenter ant invasion in my kitchen. You cannot screw around with carpenter ants as they are capable of undermining your floor. The guy they sent out was a slightly built, tanned, nearly bald, sere and ageless individual who looked exactly like an ant. He baited the kitchen and then said “What you want to do is find the outside nest. You have to think like an ant.” He walked around my house and homed in on a bush behind the porch steps that, sure enough, had a crevice in one dead limb near the base busy with ant traffic. He baited that too. The company specialized in low toxicity methods and he cheerfully told me that his bait was a sugary boric acid paste. So next time ordinary ants got in, I mixed honey and boric acid powder and it worked a treat. Until now. The orange stuff seems to have slowed them down though; I don’t see them this morning.

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