1. Somewhere, there is a Hell for cute bouncy little girlie-girls who come back in the free weight room, fully made up and oh-so-earnest, and sequester a whole rank of the smaller dumbbells beside a bench for their EVER SO CAREFULLY PLANNED gym session.
Those are the dumbbells I use for a kata punch warmup, bitch. I grab them, I pound out forty or fifty pumps to the side or overhead and put them back on the rack, then grab a different weight to punch in a different direction, but you are so entranced at the thought that you are using dumbbells like a big girl that you have to have them lined up in a row to yourself, probably like your makeup pots, and get all dithery and ditzy if someone needs to use a pair, because in a moment you’re going to bench press a whole! seven and a half! pounds! in EACH HAND!
I’m doing overhead punches with double that, just to get my blood going.
Go ‘long with you, OK?
2. If you must reproduce, keep the evidence out of Home Depot.
I don’t usually go to buy plumbing supplies, hammers and whatever on Sunday, but it worked out that way today. What the fuck? The place has become a nursery school? Enough I should have to dodge the fork lifts and other hazards piloted by the orange-aproned staff of this American institution, but you expect me to tolerate your squealing, scrambling crotch droppings?
Rope is cheap (Home Depot has lots) and they will not be able to work their way free of the knots before you get back. Just sayin’.
3. Marketing departments need to hire me. I left Home Depot with one Water Hammer Arrestor — what a wonderful concept. Since 2002 I have used European-style front-loading washers to handle the five-six sets of sheets a day oiled up by my massage practice, and these suckers turn the water on, off, on, off, making the clanging and clanking of an old fashioned radiator sound like wind chimes by comparison. I got to worrying that my plumbing could flat out implode and in fact that seems to be a genuine danger.
You can buy this Water Hammer Arrester thing for thirteen bucks. Twenty-six, given you want to put it on both pipes.
Home Depot had one left on the display. We attached it to the hot-water hose in about ten minutes, counting the time it took to pry the thing out of the blister package. The hammering noise subsided to a faint, local clunk.
If I were selling front-loading washers (four figure purchases, most of them) I think I would include these bastards on the hoses for an extra $20, say, and on the sales floor display would be a big banner: “NO NOISY PIPES! SAVE YOUR PLUMBING!”
People seem to have figured it out, anyway, since I will have to wait until the next delivery to fix the cold water hose.
I shouldn’t have had to stumble across a random link on the Internet to find out there was a solution to this problem. Oh well, at least I did.