Cool And Sunny, With Scattered Assholes

The Cute Engineer and I have been getting a tandem workout in most every Sunday, and today I decided on the (eponymous, I guess you would have to say) leg sled so as to spare his lower back, which took a pretty bad whack in the icy weather last week.

There was a moron in the nearby corner impressing his girlfriend. When I say “nearby,” I mean he had an assortment of dumbbells and bars scattered in the direct path of anyone wanting to load the sled and was actually doing curls with a 70-pound Z-bar so close to the machine that you had to pivot sideways a little to get past him. The girl was wearing hot shorts and tossing her long glossy black hair around, periodically giggling and speaking in such a high pitched voice that at first I thought a child was in there somewhere.

“You need to move this all over a little,” I said in as neutral a tone as I could manage. He was one of those guys who shaves his head bald in order to look badass and was sporting a white wife-beater shirt. He moved the bar about six inches. This did not really change the evasive maneuvers needed to load for my second set.

“Look, I really mean it,” I said when I could catch his eye again. “If you don’t move this all down about three feet someone’s probably going to get hurt, and I don’t want it to be you and I don’t want it to be me.” Part of that was a lie of course.

He pulled his fucking earbud out and just glared at me. Apparently some people have such small penises that they cannot let their girl friends see even a fifty-six year old lady telling them what to do.

I slapped 630 on the sled and jammed away at it, thinking you know, if I have to ask him again and he gets in my face, his arms are pretty big, but I ought to have enough in me after this set for a good kick to the bridge of the nose, assuming I could get him on the floor, that was chapter one in self defense, though maybe the old testicle torque would be the most disabling thing I could do….

I think it’s the adrenalin. Anyway by the time I finished Stanley and Stella had gone over to the multi-station and he was impressing her with cable flyes. Whatever. It was a remarkably nice day, sunny and barely cool for February, and I was just glad not to have more of it cluttered up with some asshole’s male ego.

I run into this now and then. I haven’t tried “Would you let some jerk crowd your mama when she was blowing up a fully loaded sled?”, but I probably should.


14 thoughts on “Cool And Sunny, With Scattered Assholes

  1. Ah ah ah ah. You people make me laugh so much! Tremendously written. I jotted down all the slang expressions which I all kinda knew except ‘badass’, ‘earbud’ and maybe something else I now forget.

    I especially adored: “Apparently some people have such small penises that they cannot let their girl friends see even a fifty-six year old lady …”

    Also the discussion was great. I love you all! G’night.

  2. PS

    Jenny, Sled, I’m a bad dancer too. But somewhat adapted myself and now – since 20 years at least – I more or less dance. The thing is at 16 during most parties I was playing and singing with my band, while the others were dancing (and petting).

  3. Those arseholes (English translation) are annoying certainly, but for me they are pipped to the ‘Gym’s Most Aggravating Idiot’ post by the arseholes who spend 30 minutes walking on the treadmill while chatting to their pal on the treadmill beside them. I mean, come ON, walking ??! They should damn well go outside for a walk if they want to walk, some of us actually need to use the treadmill to do sprint interval training because its 30C outside.

    • Kind of in the same category as the people who are using weight machines primarily as couches to relax on between halfhearted lightweight sets done with a complete lack of form. And refuse to get off when you ask to work in, saying “I have two more sets,” then just sit there for another half a minute.

  4. This is why I do krav maga for fitness… I can bide my time with assholes until the opportunity arises to kick them in the groin, being that groin kicks are not only allowed in krav but encouraged. It’s doubly rewarding if said asshole neglected to wear a cup to class.

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