hell holiday season is here, but at last –perhaps because it’s no longer a novelty — I seem to have been spared the thrice-weekly inquiries about whether I plan to consume Tofurky. (Zeus will remember the virgin foray into Tofurky territory, an occasion he marked with a riotous e-mailed culinary review: “Tofurky gravy: it sucks, it’s hideous.” I seem to remember the phrase “snot-in-a-bag.” But I digress.) Those who know me have figured out that vegetarians do not really feel compelled, on traditional occasions, to prepare some vegapproximation of a traditional meal.
It seems, however, that someone has upped the ante. You may have run across the exercise in wretched excess called a Turducken? Aside from the fact that it sounds like a small village somewhere in Westphalia, the kind of place where you have a puncture and can’t find a garage, who with a particle of self respect would eat something that started with those four letters? Never mind. Someone has apparently concocted a vegetarian analog and, according to a client I saw last night, it’s called something like Tofucken.
“My girlfriend heard about it and she went Googling trying to find more,” she explained. “And I’m not really sure what she found out, all she could say was ‘do you know what kind of sites you find when you type Tofucken into Google?’ ”
I don’t dare imagine. Well, now, this one, along with whatever else.