I Shouldn’t Be Bad

But I am.

I got home from the gym to find Max mowing the lawn next door — his grandparents’ — and a wedgelike heap of wood mulch, which I had ordered from the county a few weeks back, completely engulfing the inner slab of my driveway. Max, who is always friendly, waved and shut off his mower to listen again when I remarked “Looks like I got my work cut out for me here.” He glanced over at the heap, flapped his hand vaguely around his face and said “I thought I was whiffing something.”

“How long you think ‘d take us to smoke all this shit?” I said.

Now, you see, if he wasn’t totally down with an idea like that, he wouldn’t have whooped and doubled over like I’d just shot him in the belly button with a can of Freon.

I don’t even smoke stuff myself; never did, pipes can’t take it. But I went to a small liberal arts school in the Northeast, and I got the sense that Max wasn’t on the same page with the rest of his red-voting, gun-toting clan.

Of course, he now probably imagines I own a bong as big as the Ritz. Well, a young man should have a fantasy.


18 thoughts on “I Shouldn’t Be Bad

  1. But but but, smoking wood chips? See, around here someone would have been breaking out their barbecue immediately. You are bad! So am I. It is probably a big relief for him to have someone nearby who at least appears to be bad and makes “hip” jokes.

  2. I will have to study English some more. I can’t figure out what a “bong” is or maybe I have not been south of the border recently. As for wood chips I did use them for BBQ and never thought they could be stuffed into a pipe. Boy am I out of touch or what?

    • It’s really shredded wood, and the texture, from a conversational distance, looked passably like the pictures you see of big bales of dried marijuana seized in raids.

      A bong is a water pipe, the American answer to a hookah. I don’t know where the term came from. I haven’t actually ever met one in person (every enthusiast I ever knew was low profile and simply owned a small pipe or some cigarette papers), but they are clearly capable of becoming an underground art form, just like fancy decanters.

    • Now RF, while I am all for the signature objet, I am really daft for glass art and would always look for something in Swarovski. Maybe with 14K gold fuming.

      You don’t want to know what’s in my night stand… 😉

  3. I was at art school during the 60’s – people were potting all around me but I never tried it …… there’s still time I guess …. oooo, and purple hearts were around then as well …… so many experiences to try!!!!!

  4. I did things backwards … dropped acid with biker boyfriends at age 14 … a couple of years later tried pot for the first time and it totally freaked me out. Much prefer cava…

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