T-Shirt Friday, March 2010: Can You Find Yours With Both Hands?

This shirt was another seat-back cover for a while, but I rescued it before it had attained macrame status. A good thing, as the clever saying is on the rear.

I picked it up at a massage convention in 1998, where I also sprung for some Jacknobbers, a couple of books on hand care, and a continuing-education course on massage for breast cancer  patients that I could have taught more competently than the instructor. That was the beginning of my resolution to take low-priced mail order courses that didn’t fuck up my life and make my fingers itch to get around someone’s neck. I can still remember that useless blatherer telling us all about everything except what to do for a person lying on your table who’s had a mastectomy, saline implant, lumpectomy or soft tissue reconstruction, all of which I’d already confronted by that time. My field is way too full of bullshitters.

Anyway, your piriformis is nowhere near your breasts. You will find it deep in your butt cheeks, at any hour of the day or night. Runners who have a sore ass all think they have “piriformis syndrome,” which is the only cause most sports medicine doctors recognize for a pain in the ass, even though you have also got the gluteus maximus and minimus, two obturator muscles, two gemelli, and the ever wonderful quadratus femoris back there, the last a dab hand at squishing your sciatic nerve, which I know because I tore mine once; and then of course we get into the people who think any pain in their asses is something called “sciatica,” which they really couldn’t define.

But it is good to know where it all is anyway.

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18 thoughts on “T-Shirt Friday, March 2010: Can You Find Yours With Both Hands?

  1. How I wish you could be here for my friend Becky who’s had a double mastectomy and is now experiencing a LOT of pain in that area. Of course the doctors here haven’t given her any useful advice.

    Anyhoo … great t-shirt. Also love the black cat climbing the window. Wasn’t there going to be a cat collection post sometime?

    • I once tried to get a gynecologic surgeon interested in a research project idea involving massage and movement coaching after surgery. (As you can imagine, he completely blew me off.) Doctors are notoriously uninterested in what surgery does to people’s body alignment and muscle competence, between actual tissue damage, pain, and defensive tension. A good Pilates instructor or bodyworker, possibly your Yoga teacher, would probably have something to offer your friend.

  2. Very interesting having that photo next to your avatar …….

    I’m resisting making a joke about the piripiriformis, mainly because I can’t think of one …….. [although there must be one surely]

    • He’s a jigsaw design that I sort of inherited by accident and hooks onto the window frame. I have six around the house to mss with people’s heads, along with othe rodd decorations like a clock with the numerical face reversed in the bathroom (so the hands run backwards, unless you are looking in the mirror over your shoulder).

  3. i actually didn’t see the cats until i took a second look at the print on the T. i was confused because i didn’t know what piriformis meant. this was an interesting post and i learned so much about my ass! now, how can i make it look smaller?….via gimcrack.

    • Oh you don’t want to ask me a question like that. Not that my behind is boyish, but after a quarter century of loaded rack squats it bounces a quarter, so, first get a lifting belt, a DVD of “Callanetics” and some sturdy running shoes with a map of local hills…

  4. Damn I wish I had that tshirt. I need that tshirt. I know where there is a shop where I could have one made. Still in CR where I am pretty much gorging on mangos papayas and tree ripened bananas. . .

  5. My piriformis rang to say it was sleeping over the night in someone else’s bum region.

    Of course, it may be out stealing hubcaps; i just never know.

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