I don’t know why the person who gave me this shirt thought I should have it, since “cute” is the one word I am very, very unlikely to hear.
Grapevine is that the last thing anyone said about me in the gym was “She scares the hell out of me.”
Even I can’t stand how smug this makes me, but it did tempt me to dig up this shirt just for cognitive dissonance in some upcoming workout, maybe one of the free-form ones where I rotate a 25-pound plate over my head or do a roster of weird-ass Matt Furey exercises, something anyway that doesn’t require a belt because the shirt is way too short to come between me and the buckle.
The dark secret is I am actually kind of fond of Hello Kitty. She had not really been around that long when my Japanese voice coach — we are going way back –gave me an early HK plushie, which would probably be worth money if I could find the box it came displayed in, and she remains in charge of my spare keys.
I am absolutely flabbergasted, though, at the global culture of Hello Kitty that has arisen.You can get Hello Kitty flash drives and cases for your iPhone. There are Hello Kitty men’s briefs, which is kinky on so many levels. Self-improvement types can enjoy several Hello Kitty Psychological Tests like this one or this one. And if you are a true masochist, you can take a tour through Hello Kitty Hell, which is one of the funniest goddam blogs on the Internet.
If I were still dating my Albino Ex — who affected a certain self-parodying hypermanliness as a comic turn — I think I would sneak onto his computer and afflict him with the Hello Kitty Google Chrome Theme. I might even choose the pink over the blue, like the time I hacked his Police And Fire Scale Models Chat Board profile and turned his text color a pale petal pink. I think I can say with confidence that he did not enjoy being told it was cute.