Bite My Ass, Victoria

An actual tomato from my garden.

It had to happen. For years I have been wearing one and only one kind of underpants, to wit, the “Rio brief” sold by Victoria’s Secret. They overprice their daywear and employ a marketing strategy best described as “photos of beautiful slender women without cunts.” But in this one instance, damn, they figured out how to build a pair of skivvies. You could move in those suckers. And they were cotton, so they didn’t give you the Tasmanian Rot.

A nice wide flock-lined waistband that sat up above the hip bones. Front cut right up to the band so you didn’t get cloth and elastic clumping up in your groin every time you swung your leg up, say to a hanging bar or tree branch. Rise length sufficient even for my freakishly long waist. Briefs and so-called hi-cuts strangle you, bikinis dig a groove across your butt and threaten to fall down, thongs — well, can you say anal floss? A lady I hobnobbed with during my British adventures used to say ‘Oi, well, knickers always go up your crack anyway.” But these didn’t.

So now, of course, they’re no longer in the catalog. This happens whenever you find a bra or a running shoe you like. I have a drawer full, but what happens when they hit the point that the elastic peels off in the wash?

(About the models: I’m serious, people. Can you imagine a single one of those women having anything between her legs but a smooth, powdery, faintly convex space, whiffing disquietingly of polymer, like a Barbie doll? Maybe this is why the practical aspects of underwear have escaped them.)

I’d call, but any merchant that disguises its Columbus, OH headquarters location with a voice mail script delivered in a posh British accent has no real respect for its customers.

“Cover your ass” has taken on a new meaning Chez Sled. Oh well. If it’s the worst thing that happens to me all week, I’m good. Just understand that if they come for my Champion sports bra, there will be no warning shots.

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76 thoughts on “Bite My Ass, Victoria

  1. Maybe you should buy up as many Champion sports bras as you can afford. You know that they’ll be replaced by bras that you’ll detest. I don’t wear bras anymore because I can’t find a comfortable one. I might be sagging, but hello, I’m comfortable!

  2. I hear ya. The only comfortable knickers I’ve ever found are Marks & Spencer cotton highlegs. Since M&S closed all their European stores many years ago I have had to either order online (via a UK friend) or take a trip to Gibraltar. I also miss their bras but I find it’s too risky buying bras online.

    Anal floss. Ha! 🙂

  3. There needs to be some sort of law about companies deleting lines like this. It’s discrimination, i’m sure of it.

  4. I hate thongs!

    I don’t stick to one style of underwear but whenever I find a lipstick I like or a body lotion that smells just right the goddamn manufacturers discontinue it or replace it with an inferior product

    Why %$&*# why do they do that?

  5. I gave up on underwear about 15 years ago, I have no opinion about bras at all except that I hate ’em and won’t wear one. As far as knickers go, I prayed for menopause so I wouldn’t have to have any around any more. When I did wear them, I wore granny fruit of the looms.

  6. One thinks of the wizard in the fourth Harry Potter book who defends his selection of a nightgown as Muggle incognito: “I like a healthy breeze round my privates, thank you!…”

  7. i have an aging collection of the Rio… rats…. although not an exclusive item for me, i LOVE them in the summer, under clingy thingies. the cotton? a necessity in these parts… ugh….

  8. Hey Everyone
    I have great news. I just called Victorias Secret and they said that in September the rio brief is back . It will be called something different but keep checking. It will be under the cotton collection. She made my day. 🙂

  9. I wear Victoria’s Secret Rio briefs exclusively. They are cotton (how can any stand woman wear nylon down there?), which means I can throw them in the washer and dryer, plus they sit on top of my hips while covering my ass, which makes them both comfortable and near invisible.

    I went to the Victoria’s Secret website today and they are no longer there.

    I don’t know what I am going to do if Victoria’s Secret doesn’t bring them back. Boy shorts and thongs are not only uncomfortable, but they make my ass look much fatter than it already is. Bikinis sit on the middle of my hips, so not only to they slide down, they give me an attractive muffin top, just what every woman wants.

    I don’t trust Victoria’s Secret when they say they are bringing them back, but they will be called something different. I will believe it when I see them in the catalog and can order them again.

  10. As usual, the best product that I have bought exclusively for years gets discontinued!

    I am a guy, who likes his girl to have nice, good fitting, practical, cotton, sexy, durable, distinctively styled panties.
    (The signiture wide elastic band was too good to be true.)

    What a hit I was when I would “surprise” her with these a few times a year!

    They compliment a womens figure,………yes,…they were expensive,……..but they were the only game in town.

    Don’t hold your breath about them “coming back”……..

    I will be trolling Target and Kohls department stores in the near future, looking for a replacement………..Victoria Secret should fire their marketing department,….this is the type of marketing that loses your long term customers,……while you are going after new ones,…………..

    Kind of sounds stupid when you finally see it in writing, hey? It’s what a hamster does on a wheel,….it trades one step for the next.

    • Actually the next best shot in my drawer, you should pardon the expression, was the VS cotton eyelet hi-cut. I’m holding out with what I’ve got as long as I can, though. Frosts me to have nowhere else to take my hard earned buck.

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  12. Okay, the Rio Brief is back at VS and I ordered 10 pair and they are NOT THE SAME as the old ones! The elastic band is much thinner and the rise much lower, so instead of sitting at my waist (which is what I so loved about them), they slide down my hips, like every other style of bikini underwear that I hate.

    WARNING…..$50 wasted!

    • “Like every other style of bikini underwear that I hate.” From your mouth to God’s ears. Thanks for the heads up and I am sorry to hear it, both in general and that anyone is out $50. I had seen they were back and distrusted the fiber content — I’d been vacillating. DAMMIT! Can’t people leave a good thing alone?

  13. It appears that VS has brought back a new and improved RIO. A thinner waist band and thinner cotton and added 5% spadex. They feel terribly. The original waist band stayed put and the 100% thicker cotton didn’t walk about on your behind. The original Rio kept it’s shape wash after wash and wear after wear. Victoria, girls do not just wear fancy panties no matter how many commercials you show on TV. Please bring back the original everyday Rio. From what I hear from customer service, you are not listening to the many customer concerns.

  14. Yes, I forgot to mention. I agree with Robin. The new Rio is also cut lower. I tugged at the front and tugged at the back and couldn’t get them to sit as comfortably as the old Rio. No luck, so I returned 2 dozen in various colors.

  15. I too like the old Rio Briefs by VS, the new ones should not even be called Rio Briefs as they are not even close to the original. What I would like to know, is what brand did you change too? I liked the Rio’s for the same reasons Robin listed…high cut, fit nice, wide band…cotton. I am not having much luck in finding a replacement…I do not want “bloomers”….nor a thong….
    Just curious if there is anything out there even close…

    Thanks

    • I’m still playing out my old supply in hopes something will surface. The intermediate Rio — the one that existed before they disappeared entirely — wasn’t too bad and the new one is just barely bearable (at least compared to bloomers and thongs). I lined all three styles up on my laundry table just the other day — the waistband of the new style is less than half the width of the old.

      I got a couple of French cuts from VS cotton but I’ve noticed I sometimes stick them back in the drawer if they sift to the surface. They just feel like too much stuff.

      Hanes used to do a sport brief that was semi-OK, and I have a wad of them too. But I can’t seem to locate them any more either. Apparently now it’s all either granny panties or anal floss. Is anyone in the underwear industry reading this? Victoria’s? Anyone?

  16. Love the Rios, even the new style. Also love the signature cotton bras for Houston summers. Can’t find them anymore either. The company now caters to teenagers who used to rip off the stores. I know, I worked for them.

  17. Yep. VS lost a longtime customer (with disposable income) when they discontinued the Rio – now I only check the site every 6 months or so to see if VS had a change of heart. Foolish, foolish decision.

  18. I was a faithful Rio Customer. I still have a good selection in my drawer but i keep having to toss a pair here and there, as the elastic is starting to lose its snap. I was happy to find I am not the only person who keeps wishing to find the originals once again. Whats wrong with those people….Rios were the best!

  19. okay I miss them too. I thought I was the only person that wore the rio and I am furious that Victoria stopped making them.

  20. Ladies and Gentlemen, I am in 100% agreement. VS lost this customer, with disposable income and the quest for the “perfect panty” begins again….sigh…

  21. I’m chuffed that people are still showing up here to chime in on this matter. It might seem a small thing compared to the sequester or global warming, but you know, having a wedgie, or half-mast drawers, does not make for happy citizenry, and when momma ain’t happy ain’t nobody happy. Think on it, VS.

  22. I can bet you my bottom dollar it was a best seller at Victora’s Secret and other panties weren’t selling – i am so mad too because those were the only ones i wore – i have been lookig for anything similar and there is nothing – just so frustrating – grrr (Jockey used to have a similar style cotton underwear they did away with too double grrr)

  23. Has anyone emailed them to see what they say? I’ve been searching for a COTTON alternative as well.

    I’m sure many of you know, but don’t put your rios in the dryer. Air dry – they will last longer.

    • You know, after all this time and the amazing number of hits this post has gotten, it might be worth an e-mail linking the whole conversation. Or better yet — e-mail a company like Jockey to see if they’re willing to take up the slack their competition has left. I don’t, for example, know if VS still sources its cotton from producers who use child labor — there was an alert about that at one point. And it irks me to give business to a company which, on the whole, gouges for pretty cheesy outerwear and promotes an irksome Barbie-doll female image. It was just that they were the only underwear that fit, back in the day.

      • I e-mailed Jockey this past weekend after talking to a person on the phone. They sent me a reply saying they are sending my e-mail to the marketing dept. I told them about this blog but it wouldn’t let me put the link…so just said to Google “Bite my Ass, Victoria”. If you look at VS website for the “cotton high-cut brief panty” (which they kept instead of Rio High Cut) and look at “negative comments” ..OMG…it seems like there are 20 pages of negative comments with basically the same complaints as here about the “new version” of those undies VS came up with. I don’t have much hope that Jockey will create Rio-HIgh Cut undies for us. I called VS and they said they would send to marketing department too..but called them last year and nothing. I miss the original Rio- High cut undies and had to toss another old pair the other day….holes, etc. The remaining pairs are in pretty bad shape except the “last version” from 2009 or so…and I really don’t like them….

        • I’m enchanted at the idea of the marketing people Googling “Bite My Ass.” Well, if they actually do, I’ve got one last hoarded pair of the original Rios that would be a good template, still not too beat up in the wash, and I would actually surrender it to them if they were prepared to duplicate the style.

        • I had stated above years ago that Jockey had at one time made a Rio brief which they discontinued around the same time as VS did theirs. I have hung on to my collection of both Jockey and VS Rio briefs, and am hoping one of them steps up and starts manufacturing them again. What I do not understand is how they only cater to what the younger person wants. We ALL wear (most) undies and to ignore a group because a style is not in fashion is beyond me. If they are going to sell a high leg brief at least give us the Rio. If I ever won the lotto I would put my money to good use and manufacture these. LOL

  24. I am down to my last 2 pairs of the original Rios. I purchased the newer ones and was very disappointed. As the above posters said, the band is thinner and they do not stay in place like the original Rios. I agree with sledpress….maybe we can “band” together and send some feedback to VS!

  25. The best thing i have come up with – and i have looked far and wide – to anything close the the Rio Brief is i buy something close to it and i cut the side of the leg so it sits the same way the VS Rio Brief did. I do not like anything around the top part of my leg – i am constantly pulling on the elastic – additionally i like a brief style in the back and the v cut in the front – only way i have been able to get anything similar is to cut the sides of panties that have the potential to be a Rio Brief 😦

  26. I did email them a few months ago. Just got the “there’s no demand for them anymore” response 😦

    I tried the lacy string bikini that VS offers as an alternative (as the band is thick), but they just aren’t cut high enough and the lace is too weak and soft and just rolls up.

    I’ve switched to plain old jockey French cuts. They have the classic white waistband…and they are ok. I get black so they look less like grannies. I miss the Rio!!! Down to just two pairs. I’ll never let them go.

    Maybe we should seek out a bespoke lingerie place or seamstress on etsy, and get our own Rio copies made.

  27. And can I just add that I’m kind of flabbergasted that VS ditched the Rio, which IMO was a pretty sexy looking high cut brief, and then added a regular granny panty-esqe high cut?? What the hell?!

  28. Wow! I don’t know why I thought I was the only one so upset with the discontinuation of the Rio! My panty of choice for many years, and now down to my last two pair. No other brand or style comes close to the Rio for all the same reasons everyone has already stated. SO disgusted with VS!!

  29. I’m so happy to find this thread yet sad that no one has an answer! I also thought I must be the only one in the world who cringes in agony when one of my original Rios rips beyond repair (another one bites the dust). At this point I only have a couple pairs of the originals in white (because I never wore the white AS much) and a couple of the next version, and a few of the last offered version (which, in my opinion – which seems to be agreed on here – are not even Rios due to the tiny waistband alone). Never have been able to find a comparable panty that fits my body type and makes me feel sexy. So disappointed that VS discontinued them and that no one else has been able to find something comparable. HATE HATE HATE the low cut stuff, hip huggers, and I don’t want grannies either. UGH!

  30. I too miss the Rio brief, as it was the only style I wear. I still have some pairs left, but like everyone else, they are slowly dwindling. Doesn’t VS realize how MANY people are asking for it? Is there some way to get a petition going to let them know the size of the demand? I also emailed them a while ago and got the same non-committal response.

    • Hm. It really is starting to look as if we have a movement here. And some of my “new” Rios (which existed for a while even if they sucked compared to the old Rios) are starting to fray.

      White I recover from cat bites and falls off treadmills, I need to think of a good way to put this whole post and thread under the right nose at VS HQ in, as I remember, Ohio.

      • Did you ever send the whole post and thread to the Headquarters of VS in Ohio? Probably they didn’t answer. It seems like they don’t listen to the customers because of all the negative comments on those cotton high cut granny looking panties they have still.

  31. Still looking for something similar and nothing. One poster mentioned VS said there was no longer a demand for them. I do not believe that at all. I actually think maybe they were in to high of a demand and other panties weren’t selling. So then they replace their brief with an ugly uncomfortable granny panty. If I was a entrepreneur I would invest in having these made again under my own label and make millions – just so peeved!😠

      • I still have some of my Hanes Rio Briefs – and went looking for theirs too – nothing! I do not understand this aversion with all underwear companies not to make a Rio panty. I so cannot stand anything around the top of my leg and I refuse to wear string bkikins – which actually have the closest look to what i want.

  32. I am chiming in just to add to the voices. Loved the original rio – the reworked ones sucked. The spandex didn’t help whatsoever. I had purchased a lot of rios back in the day, but am now losing them one by one – mainly fabric separating from the elastic. I did have one sample pair of the string bikini – it wasn’t as bad as I expected and didn’t crawl up the abyss. Maybe that’s what I’ll have to do.

  33. i can’t believe I came across this thread/blog/rio rant or that as only the second guy I see that I am actually posting to it. 🙂 I’m also amazed that it is still going since 2009! I always used to buy panties for my wife from VS and Rios were her absolute favorites. Like all of you above, hers seem to go forever but are now shot. I live chatted with VS and they hardly knew what a Rio was, then just told me it hadn’t been around for a long time. But, as many of you have said, I have no reason to shop for my wife if they’ve dropped their drawers, or rather their Rios. Somebody find me an alternative quick!

    • The best shot still seems to be [edited — not hanes, Jockey!] French Cut. Which are not nearly as sharp looking, but do let you move without crawling up and down on you like an incompetent molester.

  34. VS has something now that’s SORT OF similar: Victoria’s Secret-High-leg Brief Panty LE-313-861. I bought them and am pretty happy with them overall.

    • Kinda close. The fit would probably be more or less OK. But I miss the way the band on that Rio, unlike the brief there, came up to your belly button. Or well, mine. Maybe on women without an extra-long body (as in, I can’t wear most standard swim suits and leotards) they were zoot panties??

      And the waistband on the original Rio… it was all business, like you usually only see in men’s drawers. (Confession: I tried buying some, they do make them without the Y-fronts. Still not right.) Picot? Picot? That stuff unravels…

  35. Dang, I thought I was the only one! I sure do miss the Rio, I still have about 10 or so left, but I’m starting to feel a little worried. I used to buy them every time they came up on sale so I had quite a collection. I haven’t worn any other kind in so many years, trying to find another style is a bit daunting. Yes, I know they are only panties, but they are so comfy and they stay put.

    I think I might have to go to the string bikinis, they are the closest I’ve seen so far. I look at the VS website every so often to see if they come back with the Rio. I saw the cotton Logo Thong Panty, and it looks just like my favorite panty, viewed from the front. I wish they’d make this with the mid coverage for the butt. Sigh, I can keep hoping :-).

  36. I am still hoping they bring them back. I have a few pairs of the Rio left. My husband does not understand how difficult it is to find a replacement. I am going to email VS again, wishful thinking.

    • I sort of gave up on trying to tell them anything, I’m afraid. I’ve got this drawer stuffed with precariously assembled underpants ready to pop at any moment. But nothing else feels quite right on.

  37. I find it ridiculous that customer service says there wasn’t demand for the panties. I was employed at a VS store and while it may have not been the highest selling panty, I can remember so many times the customers I would help wouldn’t even consider looking at another panty to match with their bras. This was when the panties were 5 for 25. I never sold less than 10 pair at a time. Furthermore, as was mentioned in an above post, they do seem to be catering to a younger crowd that does steal often, this panty would be a money maker as it would leave the store with an extremely satisfied paying customer.
    I would love for them to bring them back as my mother-in-law loved that panty with a passion. Hell, I want to try them now and I’ve never owned a brief in my life! Any undergarment that can garner support and posts over 6 years must be amazing!
    Vickie get your crap together and help a sister out!!!

  38. I am still looking for these damn underwear. My endless web search continues for something vaguely similar, as I’ve been tugging on my underwear waistband for about seven years now.

    • Someone is selling the “original Rio High cut undies” on E-Bay for $36.99 a pair or so. It’s not purple, teal or black…so I’m not interested. I’ve talked to VS and they act like they have never heard of the Rio High Cut Cotton panty from years ago. I’ve not gone into their store in sp many years because I’m upset they got rid of the original Rio. I’ve got 12 pairs of the last Rio they had and have never worn them because the waistband is thin and the material is thin. Wish they would bring back the original RIO.

      • I have some of those. It’s like putting on a string bikini from some bad James Bond film. Can you say Wedgie? And yet no one can seem to make an adequate successor. God Of Panties, are you listening?

    • Someone is selling the “original Rio High cut undies” on E-Bay for $36.99 a pair or so. It’s not purple, teal or black…so I’m not interested. I’ve talked to VS and they act like they have never heard of the Rio High Cut Cotton panty from years ago. I’ve not gone into their store in so many years because I’m upset they got rid of the original Rio. I’ve got 12 pairs of the last Rio they had and have never worn them because the waistband and material is to thin. Wish they would bring back the original RIO. Do we need to do a petition on Change.org to bring back the Original VS Rio High Cut undie? LOL

  39. Well, they need to do something- Change.org petition. We are all dying here without the original Rio High Cut undies!! It’s insane that people have been writing on here about this for 8 years+..and nothing is done about it by VS. Maybe a Change.org petition to “God of Panties” at VS or elsewhere..I think I wrote a place called something like meundies a few months ago, and they said they weren’t aware of that style but will forward info.

      • Where is the God of Panties? I just wrote VS an e-mail in the wee hours right now after chatting to someone who said they remember the original RIO High Cut Panty. They said to send the info to CustomerCare@VictoriasSecret.com. I put the link to this blog in there again. I think before..I just told the “chat person” about it. We need these brought back. I’ve got the lastest version (2009) and never wore them…waistband too thin and fabric not the same. I should be selling them on E-Bay for $24.99 each like others are doing..but thought I might need to keep them when the last few pairs of the original version are ready for the trash..and they are to that point. We need the original version back. Please write them too…..we need more people writing them….

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